Thoughts on Grief

Sometimes we are unable to breathe because our grief is so overwhelming. We may want to go to sleep and not wake up to face the nightmare our life has become. We want to know why and we want to know how this could have ever happened. Our body cannot produce any more tears and the hollowness in our chest is a consuming well. It may feel like our brains cannot process or know anything, we do not know who we are anymore and do not care. Our body will shake, we will be numb and we cannot process anything other than sadness or loss. We may feel that we are raw, bleeding from the heart and have no idea how to move forward without the person that we love so dearly.

Time does not heal loss. The heart never forgets that the most beautiful person in the world to you has been taken from life. It does not matter if it has been one day, one year or one hundred years your grief is now a part of you.

When these emotions wash over you and take you into the hopelessness and despair of death you have to ask a power greater than yourself to lift you up. You have to allow those who love and care for you to grieve with you.

People will say things they think will comfort you. They mean well and have absolutely no idea how you feel and how you are suffering. You are raw, you are wounded and you are empty. Don't let well meaning words hurt you further. You are allowed to feel any emotion you want. You may hurt people with your words and your actions in the process of grief and this too is okay, nobody will hold it against you. Without the person you love so dearly you are no longer who you used to be and quite frankly you will never be that person again.

Love is what keeps you bound together with your beloved. Your souls love for your most precious keeps you alive and it is also the same thing that allows them to come to you in dreams, messages and on the wing of a breeze when you miss them. Part of you died the moment they did. That part of you now resides with your beloved.

Take a photograph of their room, their clothes, the counter where they last left things. Take pictures of how they had things laid out on their dresser, left their personal space and the inside of their drawers. At their service leave out several notebooks and ask people to write down their favorite memories of your beloved. After the shock has passed you will have stories and photographs for a life scrapbook. The photos will make going through their room and belongings much more bearable and the funny and witty stories will warm your heart on an unbearable day.

Your beloved no longer has a body they now are pure spirit,a timeless soul. Their soul is pure love. That love is an unbreakable bond that intertwines you with your beloved until you are reunited again. When the shock has lessened, ask them to come to you in a dream, a song, photographs, an emotion, a knowing or in spirit. Let your beloved know that you are in pain and need the touch of their essence. Remember that you are not separate from them,and they can indeed hear you and feel your hearts wish for them.

You can not change the past. You have to stop asking why and how. You can still tell people in your life about your beloved, call them by name. Celebrate their birthdays and other important anniversaries. Talk to them out loud or in your head. Above all allow them back into your life in spirit form so that may help heal your broken heart and shattered life. You have no choice but to be vulnerable. You are here on earth to honor their life. You are an ambassador for everything that they ever were. Your job is to live and love for them knowing that they are still wrapped around you and living through you. Trade places with your beloved for a moment. Visualize that you have died and they are still here. Ask yourself how you would feel if they were going through your suffering, what would you want them to know? Listen to your answer as it contains more wisdom than you know.

You will have good days and bad days. There is no proper way to grieve. There is no magical formula to alleviate your suffering. There is no specific length of time, no prayer, no words that will make you feel better.The love that your beloved is and was, that is combined with your unconditional love is the only salve to your heart.

Breathe and live with them and for them. Know that you are worthy of their spirit's kiss and touch. You are not alone and never will be. Their hand is within yours. They are safe in your love and you are safe in theirs. There is no death, there is no beginning or end, and there just is the constant of love. The essence of who you are and will be in life and beyond. May the grace of your love for your beloved sustain you today and forever. May the essence of their love for you comfort and relieve you from the grip of loss. May your mutual love sustain you both as you are opposite sides of the same coin. Let love be the only thing that is real, everything else is illusion.